Have You Ever Seen the Movie Billy Madison?

Have You Ever Seen the Movie Billy Madison? If you have, you might be familiar with a very small insignificant part -- less than thirty seconds -- well, it may seem that way at the time. But, let me assure you, small parts are easy to miss but they are actually usually the best. Okay! So what am I getting at here??? Well, you see, Billy has a friend, we will call him "chubby cheeks" for lack of a real/better name. Once Billy graduates from grade school and moves onto to high school, he is hit by the realization that high school in the mid-90s is not at all like high school was in the mid-80s, and he realizes what a loser he has become. This scene makes him reflect on all of the so-called losers that perhaps he made fun of while he was the cool kid in high school. So, he calls one famous actor just to apologize for treating him terribly, some ten or fifteen years prior, when they went to high school together. Span to a scene where Steve Buscemi is shown crossing Billy's name off of a list of people he intends to kill. (We all know it, then he lays back and very messily applies bright red lipstick. For some reason that no one but Adam Sandler probably understands.) Ok... so... I still have not made my point... Span back to our friend little "chubby cheeks," and he is asking Billy about how "cool" high school must be, and he proclaims that he cannot wait to get there. Enjoy the attached video!

Now I find myself a bit like chubby cheeks. And I'm not talking about his weight. Poor little chubby cheeks has these wild grandiose visions of high school. But in reality, high school wasn't so great -- at least not for Billy the second time around. So now, amidst this blog, I find myself at a crossroads. You see, I would not give up the year I spent raising Alivia for one million dollars or all the tea in China. And I'm serious. I really would not. Some things are more important than money, or tea :) We have laughed and played, and that little angel has given me some of the best days that I have ever experienced in my 33 years of life. But!!!!! Who the heck knew that getting back into the workforce would be so -- well, difficult?

I used to be "polished." I used to be "articulate." I used to have a vocabulary like a dictionary; full of words that embarrassed my co-workers and CEOs (never on purpose, of course) and a thesaurus right next to it in my brain. I knew definitions, synonyms, antonyms, homophones, and homonyms. I was pretty amazing. But, like chubby cheeks, I wanted very badly to go to high school. And I did. And now, I write a blog about my beautiful one-year-old and I've stopped and started writing my Women's Fiction Novel so many times that I cannot remember where I left off. And sometimes I might be standing somewhere, anywhere -- like in Church -- and I will start thinking, Dear God: "It's not me, Margaret. It's me, Carrie Ernest. What is wrong with me? Will I be okay? Will I ever find a job?" You see -- He already knows the answers. He has already seen tomorrow and Thursday and Friday. And all of 2012.

And so this concludes the only blog where I will allow myself to have a pity party. Talent and writing are like riding a bike. You may struggle at first - that wheel might not be perfectly straight. But you will get there. And so will I.

Until then, this prayer and I are going to become best friends:

Dear Lord Jesus Christ,

You wanted all who are weary to come to You for support. Lord, I am worn out by my inability to find wage-earning work. Day after day, my worry and fear grow as the rejections of my applications mount. I am able and willing to work but I cannot find a worthwhile job. Please help me to obtain one soon so that I can support myself and my family in a decent way.
However, if it is Your will that I wait longer, enable me to worry less and to be able to take advantage of the time available to get closer to You. Let me realize that there are other ways to bring about Your kingdom on earth besides salaried work. Help me to make use of them for the time being so that I may continue to grow as a person for Your greater glory. Amen.